Counting Calories

As i sit here eating my one slice of dry toast and plain, dry, skinless, boneless chicken, I can't help but think why wasn't I fucking born skinny???? ugh it pisses me off that i have to put my body through so much shit to reach this skinny goal that i can pretty much see at the end of the tunnel. this tunnel just happens to be filled with oreo's, pizza and burritos. :/

I cant even stress how much I love oreos though. like I would give my left nut if I had one for a big heap of oreo goodness. blah anyways. I have begun my diet and I have not faltered. granted it's only been two days.. ok i lied, i have faltered but i made up for it i promise! yesterday i woke up and ate a cookie oblivious to the fact that yesterday was supposed to be my clean slate. that cookie was 80 calories and 2g of fat... taking up my whole fucking fat content allowance for the ENTIRE DAY.. damn it was so good though. then i had the option to purge or not to purge. but i didn't. i mean it's just a cookie... but when i purge i ge really obsessive with it so i try my hardest not to do that anymore. remember, Im trying to be healthier *rolls eyes*

So for the rest of the day I ate an apple, a salad without dressing, a carrot, another apple, and another salad.. 0g of fat :) they all added up to about 300 calories for the day. However, i still haven't weighed myself. I know it's dumb and I should just do it to know hw much progress Im making but I just can't. once i step on that scale and see numbers that look like my phone number instead of my weight, i WILL freak the fuck out. the fact that I have transformed into an orca whale will now become a reality and i will spiral out of control into a frenzy of fasting and bingeing and purging then i'll go crazy and lose all my hair and people will think im on crack.

oh ps, this is the best thing that ever happened THIS CALORIE COUNTER <----{click on that} is so good. I never have to guess anymore. (which was rare in the first place since  know the caloric content of most things but still eat them anyways) but they have fat content and everything ♥

pps i dunno if ya noticed but i started to categorise my thinspo since it's all over the place. I still have a longg way to go but i started a celeb thinspo page which isn't done yet so if you have any suggestions please tell me :).. i also have to separate the before and afters from the real girl thinspo. then that has to be broken down into legs, stomachs etc. so you can see that i have a lot of work to do.. if i wasn't so freaking lazy it would be done already but whatevs. anddd i need to change my music because it's starting to irritate me.. anyways, I'm off to exercise. maybe. or maybe ill just take a nap. gosh i'm such a lazy fat piece of crap. i think i'll just adjust this mess of a blog instead :)

layder gators
♥♥♥