FOOD ATTACK

SHIT! I knew this day was too good to be true..... The only reason I lasted so long was because I had no temptation. But wait it's my mom to the rescue.


She just called all excited "oh by the way i bought dinner. I didn't know what you wanted so I bought PIZZA BURRITOS and SPAGHETTI AND MEATBALLS" ugh thank you mother. Thing is i told her I was starting a new diet. and she knows its not a starvation diet because she saw me eat my yogurt this morning.. she proabably doesn't want me to be skinner than her. Cuz she's not gonna eat ANY of that shit.


She's almost home with a buffet of delectable deliciousness and I'm friggin hungry. Damn


Any suggestions on how not to break my stride?? Help


xx

So, it's official I'm a fuck up

I don't know why I always do this. I always say "I'm definitely gonna start a fast tomorrow" then I gorge myself with food so that I can have one last day of freedom in preparation for my fasting. Except, the next day I do the same thing. lol. WHERE DID ALL MY DISCIPLINE GO??? Jeez I always do this. I mean most times I end up purging but I hate to purge. Then the times that I don't purge I just end up sitting wallowing in my guilt and shame. Ugh I irritate myself. I did the same "I'll eat today cuz I'm starting a fast tomorrow thing" like every day this week. lol pathetic i know. But it's like I can't help it. Well I can I'm just not trying. And I don't know why not I mean I'm at my fattest right now. I need to buckle down and get serious like Lindsay Lohan is serious about her drugs. I feel so gross right now too cuz my dad brought home Burger King for me tonight. And I wasn't even hungry but I still ate it. Cuz that's just the kinda shamu I am. I didn't eat all though. I threw half of my whopper out. {yes my dad bought me a DOUBLE WHOPPER} and half of my fries out. And I drank the soda. I think I just lost discipline cuz I dont wear my rubber band on my wrist anymore. I know it sounds silly but you see I have these little rituals that keep me from eating. Like snapping my wrist with a rubber band whenevr I feel hungry or pinching my thighs. I have a BUNCH of stuff. I mean not so much that I look like this

cuz that's just dumb. After a while I would just be like fuck this shit and eat a sandwich

I think Ill devote a whole page to my little habits and rituals, tomorrow or some other day.


But they seriously do help though. Like last summer (09) I fasted for like a month and I lost 40 pounds {that's like an olsen twin fyi}.. well maybe it wasnt a month and I think it was just a month cuz it seemed so friggin long. After the first 3 days though, it wasn't bad. I just had hunger pains. But it wasn't like OMG CALL THE POPE I'M IN PAIN. It was like "ugh pain" moves on with life. and i think it's because of my friends on prettythin too. That is THE most awesome pro ana site ever. everybody's so nice and warm and cuddly like what I imagine Kirsty Alley's bellybutton to be like... without the moisture. Gosh I need to stop being mean ot Kirstie Alley I dunno why she's just been popping up in my head so much.


Anyways back to the story, yeah I had so much support and ana buddies who were fasting with me too. But then I stopped cuz I was gettin too confident. I was like HELL YEAH I'M A SKINNY BITCH KISS MY ASS then I gained back like 20 cuz I ate a boat load of shit. Since then I haven't tried as hard. Im such a pathetic case lol. But i promise from tomorrow I'll try my hardest cuz I have a new prettythin profile :) u kno just hintin if u guys wanna add me. haha ok Im done. Ill be sure to post tomorrow and let u guys know how Im doin.


Ciao
Stay skinny bitches