FUCK ME HARD!! Easter, ex bfs and psycho bitches

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS ME RANTING WITH A LOT OF EXPLICIT LANGUAGE

UGHHH ok. So let's start off with my awesome Eater weekend huh? I wake up and the Easter bunny had already come of course leaving something for me which makes absolutely no sense because I'm 19. Anyways, so I wake up to this big wrapped basket of chocolate goodness. So good yet so evil. And of course I knew what it was because I was the one who had bought the stuff on Saturday for the younger kids. But my mother just slithered her grimy little hands into my room and night and left all her devil's dropping's for me to eat

So then it was "maybe JUST A TASTE".. Never does "just a taste" end in anything good.. I bet Bill Clinton said "maybe just a taste" to Monica Lewinski and we all know where that got him... I ended up pigging out on the whole fucking thing.. It was all dark chocolate which is better that your regular cream-filled Easter egg but still FUCK ME HARD! UGH I'm such a fuck up with no willpower

I'M SUCH A FUCKING MESS

So we get past the chocolate mess and church, then it's home, which means food. So I cook up a shitload of food and swear to myself that I'm not gonna eat anything. Then lunchtime comes and I sit at the table with a plate of plain, broiled chicken and a salad with no dressing. And I'm feeling pretty good about myself at this point..
P.s. When asked why I wasn't eating heavily I just said that my lactose intolerance was acting up, which it wasn't but it's always a solid excuse.

So hours pass and it's late at night, right when my binging happens. I go to the kitchen I KNOW I SHOULDN'T HAVE but I went anyways.. and i never know why i go to the kitchen late at night when I'm hungry.. I know that I'm setting myself up for failure but it's like I want to. I dunno but I got there and just tear that lasagna up.. I mean I was all over it like R-Kelly on a minor. I basically raped it.

That's what it looked like when I was done.. It was a full pan when I got there. I feel like such a sea beast. The picture is actually really small though.. I don't think I have to say what happened after but I  will anyway. I threw up sooo much. I thew up ALL of the lasagna, the chocolate from that morning and some funky stuff I don't remember eating.. I mean I wanted to purge but when I was done I regretted it. I would have rather sat and wallowed in my fat. My stomach was completely empty when I was done. I don't think I've ever purged so much in my life.. I mean so much that my whole body was in pain the next day. It was pretty intense... I felt so bad physically and mentally. Like such a failure. THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN. I was supposed to be all healthy and feel good.

Sigh, so I managed to get over Easter and move on with my life. Monday and Tuesday were spent event less. Although I did start a twitter on Tuesday :) but I'm considering deleting it because shortly after I realised that I don't have much to say.

TODAY I get a call. Look at my phone and it's some random number.. so I answer, naturally. {to fully understand the following story and all the drama that comes with it, I should brief you on a few things}
David - Ex bf who got a handjob from some skanky bitch while we were together but didn't consider it cheating then moved to Canada and only told me he was moving 4 days before
Reece - Said skanky bitch who also went to high school with me

OK the story continues. I answer and it's David. Thing that pisses me off about him is that he acts like we're cool. I deleted him on fb and he added me back. It's like no YOU COCK SUCKING MOTHERFUCKER I HATE YOU. Get that! Got it? good.. except he doesn't get it.

I'm over the whole yelling at him thing though.. So this is how the convo went
Me: hello?
Him: Hey Rose what's up? {like nothing ever happened}
Me: ummmmmm. hi?
David: Soo what's up?
Me: How about you not calling me since you moed to Canada?
David: didn't think you wanted me to
Me: I didnt :|
David: wellll then that's why I didn't
AWKWARD SILENCE
Me: did you want something?
David: Ummm.. not really.. I still love you know.. You know that right.
Me: LOL
David: But seriously though can you do me a favour? You know Adam's {david's friend} sister Reece.. {aka skanky bitch}
Me: *CHOKES ON SALIVA*
David: She needs girls to help her with some fashion thing she has for school and wanted to know if you would do it because you're tall but she was scared to ask you cuz she thinks you hate her.
Me: SILENCE....... "I DO FUCKING HATE HER"
David: *laughs nonchalantly* You and your girl drama
Me: *hangs up*


shoulda hung up sooner.. I really can't believe the nerve of some people... ugh he ruined my whole day. Then I come online and some sour bitch makes it worse. Some girl. I dunno how she knew to find me on fb, sent me the most horrible msg telling me i was a cunt and i should die for writing this blog and she read it all and it's garbage and she looked at my pt profile (stalker much) and I should rot... UMMM OK YOU FUCKING PSYCHO.... She also wrote a very detailed list of why my 57 reasons were stupid.... Well that bitch caught me on the wrong fucking day. I attacked her left right and centre.. I just took out all of my pent up rage on her.. And usually I'm not like this but I told her about how fat she was in her profile picture and that's probably why she's single. I think I told her about every flaw that was visble to me.. I should feel bad but she was a raging stalker psycho bitch.. If you're reading this even though you hate me so much for no apparent reason THEN YOU CLEARLY HAVE NO LIFE.. go choke on a chicken bone.

Whew. That concludes today's rant.. I'll be starting a fast tomorrow :) hope i don't fuck it up!! Also, I added many many thinspo pics to my flickr.. you can look at them in the post before this one. Oh yeah, I also made a facebook for this blog so crazy bitches can msg me there instead of my personal one :)
I'll just post some thinspo to lighten the mood
xoxo

Rose Anna♥'s photostream

Rose Anna♥'s photostream on Flickr.

I'm gonna start posting new thinsp pics on my flickr for now on too :)

Celeb thinspo page is almost done :)

I actually did something I said I was going to do! The celeb thinspo page has sooo much more on it now. I'm almost done. But this isn't a full post. I just wanted to let the people of the world know that a new thinspo page was up :)

I'll post about my Easter disaster tomorrow

tata
x

AY CARAMBA

If my frustration could be translated through computers it would jump out and kick you in the face right now. As we all know, tomorrow is Easter. Now it might not be a big deal for most of you. And the most Easter-ey thing most of you might do tomorrow is watch hop. And while I agree that James Marsden is a delectable treat of a human being, (who is married with kids btw) I am Catholic. I mean REALLY Catholic. Well my family is anyways. That means they're pretty stubborn when it comes to most issues. Example: gays. who i love ♥ and it doesn't make my parents happy.. I mean I love my parents and all but come on get over it. Now I'm not forcing anyone to love gays here but I'm just sayin.

Anyways I'm rambling. Being Catholic also means that tomorrow, after church it's FOOD TIME. And I am the chef of my household. I mean i absolutely LOVEE to cook... and eat

I think I've mentioned that before. I love it and i don't know why but its just amazing and I'm pretty good at it. But in the current phase that I'm at, (i.e. the beginning of my new diet that I keep messing up) cooking is some dangerous shit. Tomorrow I plan to make lasagna, stuffed mushrooms, stuffed roasted tomatoes, garlic bread, maybe chicken, salad

and whatever else is lying around. I mean Easter lunch is a pretty big deal and it's all in my hands. Now, cooking for me when I'm deep into a fast or diet is always so empowering. I'm always like yeah bitch! I'm cooking and I don't even need any of this crap I'm on top of the world!!!
*Record Scratch* But right now, I'm at the edge of a cliff. I'm trying to keep my balance, stay on and run as far as I can towards my goal of skinny-dom. If I fall off this cliff, I plummet into a firey pit of me becoming a precious-esque woman on a couch with oreos and doritos scattered all around me, not even bothering to pick the stray cheetos from my hair because I just couldn't care less.

Sigh.. I hope I maintain my composure tomorrow and don't turn into a raging food bitch eating everything in sight, including the kids' Easter eggs. deep breath.. I will be strong. p.s. the above pic is sooo freaking disgusting.. I have a fear of becoming like that.

Crap, cant believe I didn't say this before: Progress report.  I've messed up a little in the past few days that Ive started but nothing major. No binging. No purging. No fasting. I must say I feel kind of proud of myself for keeping SOME control but still I feel like a total fat bag of fat that some kid just kicked up and down a sidewalk for messing up. E.g. that cookie. I also had a stupid bun that my parents buy every year for Easter. They don't even taste good. Those gross little raisins in them ugh.

I can't wait for Easter to just be over dammit. Its so annoying. At least I have these people to distract me while I wait.. This is Karmin. The best thing that ever happened to the human race. They shoulda been discovered before Justin Bieber. They're so unbelievably amazingly talented.. I can't get over them. ps they're engaged. it' so sweet. They're one of my new obsessions. PLEASE PLEASE watch the videos it's totally worth it I promise:)

have no idea how she did that rap but I loved it

he looks like he's having a seizure/orgasm on those drums lol

SORRY for the video overload but

GREAT HUH?? go visit them on YouTube :) <<< that link

p.s. doesn't he TOTALLY get really really into it? its so funny

Anyways I keep saying I'll fix my thinspo pages but I never do I'm such a lazy bum. I think ill do i tonight :)

Happy Easter my pretties :)

xxx♥

Counting Calories

As i sit here eating my one slice of dry toast and plain, dry, skinless, boneless chicken, I can't help but think why wasn't I fucking born skinny???? ugh it pisses me off that i have to put my body through so much shit to reach this skinny goal that i can pretty much see at the end of the tunnel. this tunnel just happens to be filled with oreo's, pizza and burritos. :/

I cant even stress how much I love oreos though. like I would give my left nut if I had one for a big heap of oreo goodness. blah anyways. I have begun my diet and I have not faltered. granted it's only been two days.. ok i lied, i have faltered but i made up for it i promise! yesterday i woke up and ate a cookie oblivious to the fact that yesterday was supposed to be my clean slate. that cookie was 80 calories and 2g of fat... taking up my whole fucking fat content allowance for the ENTIRE DAY.. damn it was so good though. then i had the option to purge or not to purge. but i didn't. i mean it's just a cookie... but when i purge i ge really obsessive with it so i try my hardest not to do that anymore. remember, Im trying to be healthier *rolls eyes*

So for the rest of the day I ate an apple, a salad without dressing, a carrot, another apple, and another salad.. 0g of fat :) they all added up to about 300 calories for the day. However, i still haven't weighed myself. I know it's dumb and I should just do it to know hw much progress Im making but I just can't. once i step on that scale and see numbers that look like my phone number instead of my weight, i WILL freak the fuck out. the fact that I have transformed into an orca whale will now become a reality and i will spiral out of control into a frenzy of fasting and bingeing and purging then i'll go crazy and lose all my hair and people will think im on crack.

oh ps, this is the best thing that ever happened THIS CALORIE COUNTER <----{click on that} is so good. I never have to guess anymore. (which was rare in the first place since  know the caloric content of most things but still eat them anyways) but they have fat content and everything ♥

pps i dunno if ya noticed but i started to categorise my thinspo since it's all over the place. I still have a longg way to go but i started a celeb thinspo page which isn't done yet so if you have any suggestions please tell me :).. i also have to separate the before and afters from the real girl thinspo. then that has to be broken down into legs, stomachs etc. so you can see that i have a lot of work to do.. if i wasn't so freaking lazy it would be done already but whatevs. anddd i need to change my music because it's starting to irritate me.. anyways, I'm off to exercise. maybe. or maybe ill just take a nap. gosh i'm such a lazy fat piece of crap. i think i'll just adjust this mess of a blog instead :)

layder gators
♥♥♥

I'M BAAACKKKKK!!!!

AHHHH finally!!!!!! OMG I feel like I've been gone for eternity and a day.. so much has happened.  i grew my hair out, cut it and grew it again, dyed it red amongst other things...

ok so where to begin? I would love to say that i was on a journey of self discovery, love and meditation and i am now at peace with who i am.. but instead i spent most of my time in my living room eating chips. sorry. I think ill start where i left off. when i had las posted i had lost 2 more pounds on my journey to becoming the rock hard bodied slice of sexy that i wanted to be.. instead i took a uturn at rosie odonnel avenue and everything went downhill.

ok, so i think i last posted in october? then i fell off the cyberface of the earth. well you see what had happened was, i went a little overboard with my diet. i would fast for a week but then be so friggin hungry that i couldn't control myself. because that's my problem CONTROL!!!

anyways i decided to go the healthy way instead and ended up just falling off of that wagon.. i can never do the healthy thing. i always end up just pigging out. especially when "healthy" means like 1500 calories a day. im always like "welllll 1500 a day so maybe ill just have some pancakes for breakfast and a light lunch" then i end up eating a family sized pizza at lunch..... so i think i have gained a whopping 20 pounds or so.. maybe. i haven't even been on a scale. i'm afraid that when i put my collossalll being on the scale it's just gonna say one at a time. i mean i'm wearing last resort jeans!!!!

so i stopped posting and visiting prettythin <-------- (SUCH an amazing site btw.. i love it. it's so supportive and amazing and james is like a big brother in a bottle♥) because i decided that it would interfere with my healthy journey. ps THIS IS my pt profile which i shall be re-activating. i feel like such a dirty bitch for not answering people who posted on my wall a century ago. and people probably think i am a snotty bitch for ignoring them.. i'm not though... anyways my plan backfired because I didnt have anyone to encourage me with my weightloss.. except for my mother whose idea of encouragement is telling me that my sister has a perfect body and i'll never be her so maybe i should be happy with what i have :\ thanks mother.

so from tomorrow im back on the straight and narrow path to THIN. my birthday is may 22nd. i'll be 19 and damn it i will not be fat! now i'm trying my best to stay as healthy as possible while on a strict diet. I will eat only 2g of fat everyday with a lot of fruits and vegetables.. all that good stuff. i'll still restrict my calories because if i dont have a specific number i turn into precious in the scene with the fried chicken.. ps if anyone has seen that movie i hope that you agree that there is nothing precious about a chicken stealing obese chick who cant read... anyways. ill also exercise everyday... i dont know if i have ever shared this with you amzing people but i HATE exercise. i would rather eat sandpaper.. but i refuse to show up at my 19th birthday looking like a pinata ready for the beating.


so tomorrow morning bright and early i will take the walk of shame to my bathroom and step on that scale. then ill go for a run or something. i havent really decided yet. oh ps, while i was gone i developed a slight obsession with minka kelly and maybelline model emily didonato :) i think i'll post some pics of them in the thinspo section.. or  might just make up a whole section for them. they're that awesome.

♥♥♥♥♥♥

I have soooooo much more to say but it all cant fit in this post... I'll go do some vamping up to the oher pages and post more about my time away tomorrow ☺

pps if this has a lot of typos it's because i did it in like 5 minutes. lol sorry.


anyways i'll keep posting as the days go on :)
love, peace and cottage cheese xxxx